mindful march : the 4 f's and how to work through them
As we navigate our way into March, both individually and as a society, we continue to find ourselves reflecting on everything the last year brought into our lives. There were moments we are grateful for and there were moments that challenged us, but through it all we did the best we could to check in with ourselves to see what care we need on any given day. Thus, we dub March a month of mindfulness within Do Good - alliteration and all. To kick it all off, we felt inspired to explore the ways in which our brains try to protect us when we feel unsafe, overwhelmed, or generally disempowered: the four F's.
DISCLAIMER: We are not doctors. We are not licensed therapists. If you or someone you know is struggling with trauma and it is impacting their quality of life, please consult a medical professional. If you are or need to be prescribed medicine in order to help you function at your highest capacity, there is no shame in the game. At the end of the day, everyone deserves the care they need to feel healthy and to be their best selves. Sending you all endless love.
FIGHT
What it is
The fight response is very well-known throughout social circles, being one of the two primary survival modes of our hypothalamus. Self explanatory in its name, when our fight response is engaged, we want to attack what we perceive as threatening to our safety. This could be anything from a stressful email to a difficult conversation with a loved one to something unable to be controlled.
What it feels like
The fight response can feel like anger. It can feel like fear. It can feel like anxiety. Largely, it's the impulse to lash out at what your brain perceives to be the threat. Depending on your instincts, you can feel compelled to attack verbally or physically.
Ways to ground yourself through it
There are a number of ways to ground yourself when your logical brain understands that you've entered fight mode. Deep breathing is a universal tool that you can utilize whenever you feel anxious or overwhelmed. When we say deep breathing, we mean the kind where you can feel your belly expand from your inhale. Try inhaling for 10 seconds and then exhaling for 10 seconds, and repeating this until you feel yourself entering a more grounded state. Another great tool is, if this is available to you, try taking a short 5-10 minute walk outside. It's a wonder how much simply moving your body and breathing fresh air can do for the mind.
FLIGHT
What it is
The flight response is the other most well-known stress response. Put simply, the flight response is when our instinct is to escape from what our brains perceive to be an imminent threat. In modern society, this can manifest as avoidance, as ghosting, and even as dissociation where our mind flees because our bodies are unable.
What it feels like
When we are able to literally escape, the thought of facing the threat is so painful that we will avoid it at all costs. We will run away to our rooms, leave the building, and generally get out of the immediate vicinity of the threat. When we are unable to physically flee, then we tend to turn to psychological ways to escape such as dissociation and escapist behaviors. Have you ever been in an emotionally overwhelming situation and felt your brain almost switch off and zone out? That is the simplest way to describe what dissociation feels like. Other forms of escapist behaviors often seen in prolonged, chronic threatening situations can include things like always being absorbed in a book with little regard paid to immediate surroundings. In many unfortunate scenarios, it can also manifest in the form of addiction.
Ways to ground yourself through it
Something worth mentioning: the grounding techniques we suggest throughout this post can truly be applied to any of the four F's - they are not mode-specific. That being said, if you find yourself in flight mode and you're not in immediate danger (as in bodily harm, abusive situations, etc.), try closing your eyes for 5 minutes where you are and doing a full body scan. Check in with every part of your body from the tips of your toes to the crown of your head and take inventory of what sensations you feel along the way. Do you sense any parts of yourself, physically or mentally, that are in need of care? For example, have you bathed recently? Did you take a moment to brush your teeth this morning? Have you eaten a proper meal and drank water? Start by giving yourself some care and see if that improves your levels of overwhelm.
FREEZE
What it is
Instead of fighting the threat or running from the threat, the freeze response can be its own response or it can precede fight or flight. This is a frozen state of being during which time our brain heightens our senses in order to take full stock of a given situation before allowing us to decide the next move. For some, however, the freeze response can be the only stress response, as it does not have to be paired with one of the more active modes.
What it feels like
It feels like a slowed heart rate, a growing sense of dread, the inability to move. Often times, it can be retroactively identified when we wonder why we were unable to "do something" during a situation with a threat.
Ways to ground yourself through it
Yes, we've mentioned this technique already, but it really does work - come back to your breath. This specific stress response may have more layers attached to it, especially when we have a traumatic or painful event in which we froze, so we highly encourage you to talk to a therapist or a trusted confidante as a way to explore this feeling and find healthy ways to move through it.
FAWN
What it is
This is likely the least well-known out of all of the stress responses listed in this blog post. The fawn response is essentially people-pleasing as a way to minimize a potential threat, but with this response said threat is in the form of another person.
What it feels like
It feels like you become a mirror to this other person, validating everything they say as a way to either resolve or prevent them from turning into a threat. This can lead to lack of boundaries, silencing your own voice (and thus never feeling heard or seen), and basically agreeing with everything they say - even at your own expense,
Ways to ground yourself through it
The fawn response is inherently more complex because it has to do primarily in social situations. Ideally, we can minimize our interactions with the individual triggering this response. Additionally, it also calls for learning how to set healthy boundaries with others and, in some cases, no longer permitting some people to take up space in your life any longer. As painful as that may be, surrounding ourselves with people who disrespect our boundaries and consistently trigger stress responses does not ultimately serve our highest good.
Let's end this post with some journal prompts, because self awareness is key to growth.
1) When you feel excessively stressed or overwhelmed, which do you feel is your body's favored stress response?
2) How do you feel when you enter this state?
3) What do you observe about the stressors triggering this state in you?
4) When your stress response is engaged, do you notice that any of your self care tanks are empty?
5) Do you see any patterns each time this occurs?
6) Based on that patterns, what rituals can you move through with yourself in order to feel better?