
Mental Health: Therapy + feeling emotions by Ali
the topic of mental health is such a wide & vast topic, one that we always hear people say ‘isn’t talked about enough’. & I agree! it isn’t talked about enough! but when I look back in time, it’s amazing how much it’s talked about now than it was in the past. little by little, we’re getting there!
now - I want to start by acknowledging the immense privilege that comes with being a white, heterosexual, female, talking about how helpful therapy is. I could say something about how it's a sacrifice I make or a priority, and while both of those are true - I understand that I carry privilege in both of those areas as well. My hope is that one day we can all feel safe enough to talk about it freely & all have equal access to mental health services.
If I could bottle up one single thing that I’ve learned from my years of sitting in a room with my therapist, it is learning to identify my feelings & emotions, practicing feeling them fully & also believing that they are real. For some people, this may seem easy or obvious. But as someone who grew up in a religious environment, trusting God [aka an outside source] was a priority. I learned quickly to rely on someone else [spiritual or human] to guide me, lead me, & know me better than I knew myself. I learned to set my emotions aside, or more often, I learned how to stop feeling them. We’ve all been there - you're feeling sad? how can I fix it? - angry at someone? I have to do something to stop being angry! you’re anxious about that? just breathe, you’ll be ok.
society tells us to have a solution to the feeling, as though it’s a problem to solve.
I learned & practiced the gift of slowing down, identifying what I’m feeling, allowing it to fill my entire body & then accepting it…before I knew it, the feeling had passed. sometimes it only took a minute or two! I practiced it a LOT with my grief after my mom died. I would allow myself space to feel whatever I needed to. I pictured myself riding a wave of that emotion & after a few minutes, I would be in flat water again. water is my safe space, so that was the easiest way for me to visualize it.
but often the hardest part for me was the idea of if I should or shouldn’t be feeling something. ‘I shouldn't be so jealous of them!’ or ‘I should have been happier about their celebration’. As I ask myself why I was or wasn’t feeling a certain way, I learn to trust myself again. I’m not looking outside of myself for an answer, or someone to validate what I was feeling, I’m staying centered & in my own body.
The last & final thing that has helped me in this process is not labeling emotions as good or bad. They’re all fair, appropriate & ok to feel. As I continue to learn & practice this, it begins to remove the feeling of shame from the equation. There’s always a reason we’re feeling something & the moment we are able to accept the reason, is when we take a small step toward finding healing.
Of course, it’s easy for me to summarize this into a few paragraphs. It’s easy for me to say ‘accept the feelings & find healing!’ as if it’s just a two-step process. There’s so much more, it’s taken me years to figure it out & I am still very much on the journey of practicing it, every single day. But I still wanted to share what I have learned, what has brought me to this point & also remind every single person reading this that you are important. You matter & everything you’re feeling is valid. Your life experience is true. Be patient & compassionate with yourself, even if it’s one step forward, two steps back. Just keep going.🌹
now - I want to start by acknowledging the immense privilege that comes with being a white, heterosexual, female, talking about how helpful therapy is. I could say something about how it's a sacrifice I make or a priority, and while both of those are true - I understand that I carry privilege in both of those areas as well. My hope is that one day we can all feel safe enough to talk about it freely & all have equal access to mental health services.
If I could bottle up one single thing that I’ve learned from my years of sitting in a room with my therapist, it is learning to identify my feelings & emotions, practicing feeling them fully & also believing that they are real. For some people, this may seem easy or obvious. But as someone who grew up in a religious environment, trusting God [aka an outside source] was a priority. I learned quickly to rely on someone else [spiritual or human] to guide me, lead me, & know me better than I knew myself. I learned to set my emotions aside, or more often, I learned how to stop feeling them. We’ve all been there - you're feeling sad? how can I fix it? - angry at someone? I have to do something to stop being angry! you’re anxious about that? just breathe, you’ll be ok.
society tells us to have a solution to the feeling, as though it’s a problem to solve.
I learned & practiced the gift of slowing down, identifying what I’m feeling, allowing it to fill my entire body & then accepting it…before I knew it, the feeling had passed. sometimes it only took a minute or two! I practiced it a LOT with my grief after my mom died. I would allow myself space to feel whatever I needed to. I pictured myself riding a wave of that emotion & after a few minutes, I would be in flat water again. water is my safe space, so that was the easiest way for me to visualize it.
but often the hardest part for me was the idea of if I should or shouldn’t be feeling something. ‘I shouldn't be so jealous of them!’ or ‘I should have been happier about their celebration’. As I ask myself why I was or wasn’t feeling a certain way, I learn to trust myself again. I’m not looking outside of myself for an answer, or someone to validate what I was feeling, I’m staying centered & in my own body.
The last & final thing that has helped me in this process is not labeling emotions as good or bad. They’re all fair, appropriate & ok to feel. As I continue to learn & practice this, it begins to remove the feeling of shame from the equation. There’s always a reason we’re feeling something & the moment we are able to accept the reason, is when we take a small step toward finding healing.
Of course, it’s easy for me to summarize this into a few paragraphs. It’s easy for me to say ‘accept the feelings & find healing!’ as if it’s just a two-step process. There’s so much more, it’s taken me years to figure it out & I am still very much on the journey of practicing it, every single day. But I still wanted to share what I have learned, what has brought me to this point & also remind every single person reading this that you are important. You matter & everything you’re feeling is valid. Your life experience is true. Be patient & compassionate with yourself, even if it’s one step forward, two steps back. Just keep going.🌹