But, how are you doing?

Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon, Virgo Rising. (the rest is literally all Gemini but that's a dive for another time.)

If you know anything about the zodiac and my big three, then you know that writing this for a public audience is maybe one of the last things I would ever do. But, because I am a team player and could use some cathartic word dumping, here we go.

The way that my chart describes me is as follows, I will protect you, I will not burden you, I will listen to you. My Cancer Sun is your typical “mama bear” ferocity. I surround myself and those around me in a hard impenetrable shell. My Scorpio Moon takes that shell adds a padlock, buries it in the ocean, and throws away the key. And my Virgo Rising allows me to remain grounded in those moments of chaos.

Up until recently, I subscribed to the idea that I was truly put on this earth so that I could make other people’s lives easier. Unfortunately, I have the perfect astrological make-up to see that happen. This lead to not only years of neglect for myself but honestly, it made me nosy as hell. I was allowing other people's problems and emotions to become my personality. I prided myself on being labeled an "old soul" when in reality it was just a fun cocktail of trauma and bad coping mechanisms. I was taking absolutely no time for myself, I was depressed, and instead of facing anything head-on, I ran away. I decided separating myself from the environment that was suffocating me would be the answer to all of my problems. All it did was push them to the surface. My mental health journey is not of the past, it is present. It is me every day trying to unlearn behaviors, set boundaries, and talk about the things that are weighing on me. When I sit down with a friend and they ask me how I am I don't immediately say, "I'm fine but, how are you doing" or at least I'm trying not to do that. Everyone is different, pain is relative, but when we give ourselves the room to be vulnerable we soon realize that it's not totally isolating.

For those who don't rely on the zodiac, enneagram, Meyers Briggs, human design, or sitcom characters to portray how you feel inside, I envy your clarity and your introspection. But for the rest of us who sometimes need the language to remind ourselves that somewhere out there someone else understands us. I hear you, I see you, I am you.

I am a Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon, Virgo Rising, a type 8 (or 2 depending on who you ask), I am a manifesting generator, an INFJ and I tend to resonate most with Gilmore Girls. I do not have it figured out and I don't think I ever will, but I am grateful for the opportunity to try and do so.